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July 28 Drew right for "Price"Did you see Drew Carey on "Letterman" announcing his new job as "Price is Right" host? He looked so happy! And I think that's why he's a great fit for the show. Drew is a happy guy; game shows like TPIR are happy shows. Rosie O'Donnell has too much angry agenda baggage these days. Get another talk show, Rosie. Too, when RO'D was hotly pursuing TPIR, she talked about her meeting with producers where she "shared her ideas." Ideas? I know it's not Meet the Press or Face the Nation, but who wants anyone tinkering with the show? Ain't broke, don't fix it kind of a thing. So, I'm looking forward to watching Drew take on TPIR. I'm not expecting much to change. Maybe some more laughs, and no one is better at laughing at himself than Drew Carey. I think he'll do great. June 29 Another exciting edition of "Blogging for No Reason"Ladies and gentleman, I'm very tired and not feeling too perky, so it's a perfect time to blog without a purpose. So here we go, random thoughts from a feverish brain ...
March 24 Putting "Life" back into TVCall it one for the good guys, if you will. A perusal of your cable television grid these days and you'll find for every entertaining show like "American Chopper," for every "Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and Olbermann's "Countdown," there's something like eight "Real Desperate Housewives," "Girls Next Door" and "Trade Your Spouse's Fixer Upper Then Sell It!" Quality TV chalked up one in the Win Column this week as Showtime (yeah, that Showtime) premiered "This American Life," the public radio hit now put to moving pictures. This is reality television with a heart, a soul and moral to the story. Hosted, as is the radio version, by creator and chief scribe Ira Glass, "This American Life" will over six weeks introduce us to a dozen folks, just like us and show us what happens when humanity hits them in the face. Just as the radio show never ceases to deliver on the same promise, the television version will make us laugh, cry and think. It's a beautiful thing. December 20 The Original Bad Christmas Song List (2005)Bad Christmas Song List (Authored by "Fien Beat" guest contributor Jill Bailey, Scott's comments at asteriks)
Well, it’s that time of year again – Christmas! And that means its time to hear a billion different, bad renditions of Jingle Bells and Winter Wonderland and all those equally bad songs in between. This year I’ve been inspired to create a list of those songs destined to make just about any listener cringe, wail in pain, and burst their eardrums, whatever, to overcome the ensuing pain.
Here they are, in no particular order:
“My Favorite Things” – Barbara Streisand * Most Christmas songs make you want to sing and dance with Christmas joy. This one makes you want to jump off a bridge and plunge to your death. Are raindrops on roses really some of Barabara Streisand’s favorite things? And isn’t she Jewish? Anything for a buck.
Any Christmas song by Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Kenny G. Self-explanatory. One of the downfalls of the holidays is having to hear artists that have otherwise fallen off the face of the earth haunt the radio waves with really bad versions of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. Michael Bolton, this means you. How’s your mullet?
“The Christmas Shoes” - Newsong** I’ll probably burn in hell for this one. This song has more cheese in it than a Velveeta 3-cheese casserole. Some kid wants to buy his dying mom a pair of shoes in case she goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. I don’t know where this kid got his Bible from, but mine doesn’t state that we needed to have a pair of snazzy shoes to be allowed to pass through the pearly gates. “Those who have been born again of wine and spirit and have a new, classy pair of shoes shall see the Kingdom of Heaven”. Well, I hope the kid had good taste. I’d hate for him to be haunted by his cold mom because he bought her a pair of Sketchers or something that wasn’t worthy.
“Hey,Billy! Thanks for the stilletos. I’ll hide under your bed and grab your ankles if you dare try to get out. BOOOOO!!!!”
“Baby, it’s Cold Outside” – Barry Manilow and some unidentified and unfamous woman. The beginning of this song starts out with an innocent-sounding bass softly thumping a medley. After hearing this horrible song a few times, one will get to associate the bass with the song and will walk over hot coals to change the station on the second note. Barry’s and S.U.A.U.W’s voice is as annoying as an Old Navy commercial.
“Jingle Bells” – Barbara Streisand *** In this particular Jingle Bell rendition, Babs had about four 6-packs of Red Bull and decided to sing the song as fast as she could. Under these circumstances, one would think the song would last only a few short seconds. Even if this song were only 10 seconds long it would still inflict pain. Not to imply that this song contains some not-so-annoying parts, but the worst is when the clamour and noise stop so Babs can question “Upzot?”. Yeah Barbara, look up your career in the dictionary. That should help.
* Do I have to mention that this isn’t a Christmas song, Babs? Please watch “The Sound of Music” and notice this song has nothing to do with the Yuletide. ~ Scott
** Revolting is the idea that someone would actually sit down, pen and paper in hand, with this thought process: “Hmmm. How can I tap into the veritable ATM that is the soft-rock/soccer mom market? I know! I’ll write a really sappy, exploitive Christmas song that, on the surface, seems really touching and genuine!” UGH! There are SO many things wrong with this song:
*** Do you know why Andy Williams sings this song? So Barbra Streisand doesn’t have to. ~ Scott Songs for Christmusn't2006 Bad Christmas Song List
This list doesn't cancel out the original Bad Christmas Song list. This is more or less an addendum. I was inspired by spending an afternoon listening to 101.3 all day. ~ Jill Bailey, guest "Fien Beat" contributor *(Scott adds his comments at the asteriks).
1.) "Let it Snow!" by Gloria Estefan / Miami Sound Machine – Nothing but Gloria and some cheap, cheesy keyboard. Reminds me of something I'd hear at the Bosdyk's lounge while clearing beer bottles off the ledge in the bar. Seriously, who hears this song and gets in the yuletide spirit? And they try to do a knock off of Count Basey by letting the world think the song is almost over…then some guy from nowhere says unenthusicastically "one more time." and so the Yamaha keyboard and Gloria keep the pain going for another 20 seconds. Come on, out of all the renditions of this song out there, why does this one make the cut? Another reason why playing 24 hours of Christmas music for over a month isn't the best idea.*
2.) "Grown-up Christmas List" by Various Artists, each one being equally bad - Although not quite as cheesy as Christmas Shoes, this one falls into the same "Let's make people feel depressed and guilty for enjoying the holidays" category. Nothing like hearing this one while trimming the tree, baking cookies or wrapping gifts. Should my grown-up Christmas list be filled with stuff like no more lives torn apart, that Mom would never fart, wars will end, everyone will have a friend? These things aren't on my Christmas list. Guess I'll be heading for Spain…*
p.s. Remember that song "Dear Mr. Jesus" from back in the '80's? It was so depressing that people complained about it and they took it off the air. So why, 20 years later, are similar types of songs resurfacing and are POPULAR???? If this one does resurface, I will forever ban radio Christmas tunes. *
3.) "Christmas Through Your Eyes" by – you guessed it – Gloria Estefan/Miami Sound Machine. OK – this song by itself isn't that horribly bad. Certainly there are MUCH worse ditties out there. But the thing I hate the most about this song is what some hot-shot DJ at 101.3 has done to it. Let's infuse a bunch of kid's telling people what they think of Christmas in with this song so the minivan-driving soccer mom's can weep their eyes out on their way to Starbucks. Now, why is this a good idea? I hope I never figure it out.*
*the sad part about the “remix” is that it probably wasn’t done by a local DJ, in fact very little about commercial radio is “local” anymore. No DJ picks the music anymore, no DJ actually plays requests. Everything is computerized including the station’s playlist. Some corporate pinhead programs a company’s slate of 100 stations from NYC. “Warm 101.3” in Rochester is the same as “Warm 98.5” in Tulsa and “Warm 92.9” in Phoenix. Anyhow, yes, this song sux. As do all songs “remixed” with real people’s voices, newscasts, etc. Remember all the “Auld Lang Syne” songs “remixed” using clips from newscasts they played around the millennium. I blame Kenny Guh. November 14 TV writers need not applyWhat was it Willie Nelson sung? "Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys"? Well, mommas, how strange on the cusp of 2007 a young college grad might find more fortune ropin' dogies on the open range than picking up a pen and paper as a telelvision writer. Not sure where this rant is going, but the spark of the flame has at its root William Shatner's latest piece of resume padding, next to "Boston Legal" and Priceline.com. He'll debut this week as the host of some sort of televised genetic splicing of a game show, variety dance party and a long-tired catch phrase called "Show Me the Money." I know Shat's gotta pay the mortgage, but when will the nets stop with the mind-numbing reality programming? The answer: never because it's cheap and like lummoxes, we'll watch anything they put on the box. And yes, that's the Royal We. The We which does not include Me. Here I am giving network TV a chance after taking a couple seasons off from embracing any new programming. The first show I take for a spin? Ray Liotta's "Smith." (And that doesn't count the time invested in NBC's similar take "Heist" which went six eps and out.) That show - gone ... the first axed from the fall slate. I cling desperately to "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" and "30 Rock," both eroding in their timeslots (although, the Peacock seems to be giving Tina Fey a shot of adrenaline with a move to Thursdays). Ah yes, there is "Heroes" as well, which despite my loyalty is actually doing well. So that's me ... frustrated when smart scripted TV yields to songs and dances and cash giveaways. I just had to write it down. Scott August 03 He ReturnsWe're more than halfway through summer 2006 and, for me, the movie season has peaked. Not really one for pirates or Johnny Depp, my anticipated blockbuster of the year has come and gone. "Superman Returns" had as much box office punch as a geriatric Rocky Balboa - which, by the way, is coming soon, don't you know. I've had about a month or so to ruminate on Supe's return and, in all, it made me happy. Director Bryan Singer made sure to keep all the elements from the Christopher Reeve era that gave moviegoers the warm fuzzies: a leading man in Brandon Routh that mirrored what we saw in the comic books, the John Williams score that made you believe you could fly, and the blocky-blue whoosh of the opening credits (which had me tearing up, I'm not afraid to admit). Yeah, gone was the nasty fun Gene Hackman brought to Lex Luthor. Instead, Kevin Spacey played it thuggy. Kate Bosworth was plain Jane as Lois Lane, making you appreciate Margot Kidder so much more. But if nothing else, "Superman Returns" brought a ray of sunshine back into the darkened theater. I know, it's much cooler to like a brooder like Batman, but Superman is about hope and potential and our own capacity for good. Somethings that we can never have too much of. So welcome back, Superman - please don't leave us again.
Scott May 10 Blog Fun, Part 2Again, it's everyone's favorite 21st century pastime: Blogging With Nothing To Say!
March 04 Empty OscarWell, another year, another year without seeing one Academy Award nominated film. "Brokeback," "Capote," "Los Duques de Hazzard" - missed 'em all. Am I sorry? Sure. Used to be we'd hit at least two of five. Hey, we did catch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire." Might be up for Best Sound, Best Smoke, Best Something, but I doubt it.
These days, most of our movie-watching is done at home - fire up the DVD player, pop some microcorn and we're good. Okay ... melt some butter too and pour it over the top. Yup, at home there's no Chatty McRudely fighting for your arm rest. (Did you hear about the 40-year-old guy who talked all through our showing of "Star Wars: Episode III"? This one was at the theater - obviously. He actually said this out loud, "Yoda's green!" Great - chatty AND a rocket scientist!!)
There's a lot to be said for staying in and watching movies ... but ... and it has to be the right movie here ... but there are somethings that need to be seen three stories high in a room with stadium seating and 300 strangers:
When the crowd is washed up in the excitement of the knockout, the vanquishing of the villian, the blowing away of some foreign-but-you-can't-really-tell-if-he's-Russian-or-Arab baddie - there's nothing like seeing a movie "at the movies." I saw "Rocky II" on my ninth birthday at the Loews. People were actually cheering in the aisles when Rocky climbed up those ropes. I was nine and I still remember it. So where did I start this? Oh yeah. Didn't see any of this year's Oscar nominees. Wait a sec. We actually did see "Crash," but given I'm only now remembering that fact instead of at the beginning of this entry, doesn't bode well for its impact on me. Definitely winner of the "I Really Really Really Thought This Movie Could Never Have A Happy Ending" award. But I hear if you see just one gay cowboy movie this year, see "Brokeback Mountain." If you see two, catch Kenny Rogers in "Gambler 2."
Scott
February 10 Lots of words, but nothing to sayYou know what's really fun? Blogging when you have nothing important or relevant or, well - I can't even think of another word here - to say. So for fun, here's just some random thoughts:
Scott February 04 Ticket to HideMy mom is a see-a-movie-once kind of gal. Me, I have a stable that I can go back to time and again - some titles come and some go from that list, but if I like a film, I can sit through it a gazillion times ("Ghostbusters," "Star Wars," "Ocean's Eleven," "Get Shorty," "LA Confidential," recently "Layer Cake"). That's a lot for you folks who didn't major in higher mathematics. But when you surf enough cablewaves as I do, you're apt to swim across a handful of the same ol' Hollywood chestnuts. So here's a short list of movies I really don't care if I ever see again:
And seriously, nothing against Whoopi or Patrick Swayze. "Sister Act" absolutely made me laugh and the music is great, but I'm okay if I don't tune it in again. Never really liked the other three anyhow, so there you go. I almost put "The Silence of the Lambs," but didn't. The first "Superman" film too. Maybe it's because whenever it's on, it's always the part where he does that do-over move by flying around the planet and making it spin backwards. I don't know what it is - have I seen these movies SO many times that I know what's coming up and just want it to be over? But what about "Ghostbusters" and "Star Wars"? Maybe it's because I grew up with those movies and they take me back to my childhood. More nostalgia than anything else. I know the Death Star's gonna blow, so why watch for the gazillionth and one time? Maybe because everytime I see it explode, I also remember watching a television show every Sunday night about making movies hosted by Tom Bosley that used the Death Star explosion during its credit sequence. Every time I watch the Ghostbusters march into that hotel to take on Slimer, I remember thinking I could make a cool jumpsuit like that and did and wore it two Halloween's in a row. Maybe every guy wants to look and dress as cool as Danny Ocean or Chili Palmer. On the other hand, I n ever met a guy who stood on his car and sang "Greased Lightning." Or spun a pottery wheel, for that matter.
Scott February 02 Hanging the ShingleWelcome to the new home of our humble "Fien Beat." God bless the folks at AOL, but dial-up is so 20th century, man. And Road Runner ... well, let's just say by costing an arm and a leg, that leaves me with just one arm and one leg and I wasn't too coordinated when I had the full set. So when we made the ISP switchover to Frontier, we got the boot from AOL's hometown pages, so the Beat goes on here at MSN. Let's hope updates come faster and more furious than at the old place. Yeah, that rant about Sam from the first season of "The Apprentice" was so timely, was it not? Geez, that little piece of bloggage had the shelf life of mutton on a sunny day.
Hopefully, we'll get some pictures of our Spenser boy up on the page sometime soon and stay a little more relevant. Now, about this crazy Runaway Bride - have you heard about her???
 Scott |
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